He Loves Me Not
by lollipopbirdie
Summary: Destiel fanfic! Part one is from (human) Cas' POV and part two is from Dean's POV. It's short because it's my first, but I hope you like it! The story is now complete! Enjoy!
1. Part One

"Cas!" Sam grins as he opens the door. "Dean didn't say you were comin' over."

His smile grows as I walk into the dingy motel room. I look around at the stained yellow walls and mismatched furniture. "I'm sure he didn't say that because I didn't tell him I was."

He laughs, finding humor in something I don't understand, and walks lazily into the kitchen. I follow him, still fixated on the disgusting color of the walls. Where do all those stains come from? My thoughts are cut short when I hear a shout from the kitchen. Dean. My head snaps around just in time to see Sam pouring a brownish-yellow liquid over a crimson gash in Dean's upper arm.

"Don't be such a baby," Sam says in reply. Dean only scowls at him and tugs at his arm, trying to get a better look at the bubbling wound. He finally looks up and sees me standing there. "Oh, hey Cas," he says quickly, and goes back to inspecting his arm. "What happened?" I say, trying to hide my worry.

He looks up at my and grins. My stomach does a flip, a feeling I hadn't known till a few weeks ago, and I look down at my shoes. "Cas, I'm fine. It's not like I'm dying," he says in a mocking voice. "Again!" Sam choruses from another room. Dean scowls again, "Just ran into a family of Kitsunes this morning," he continues. "One son of a bitch nearly sliced my arm in half."

I walk over to him to get a better look. The skin around the gash is glowing bright red and there's a bit of bone visible in the deepest part of it. "Is.. is there anything I can do?" I say as I put my hand lightly on the skin just below the wound.

He jerks away suddenly. I pull away and back up a few steps. Dean's face turns bright red and his face is turned away.

"No," he says, more softly than I expected. But he is still turned away from me, his face blazing. I don't know what I did to make him angry. I try to brush it off, since I know humans are complex and confusing creatures, but it hurts. It hurts in a strange way. All I want to do is take away his pain but I can't. Not anymore. All healing powers I had left when I became human. All I have left is a vessel full of emotions I can't understand. Finally, Sam returns with a needle, string, and bandages, breaking the silence that has been building up.

"Cas, why don't you grab some burgers with us?" I don't know how he can talk about food as he is sewing up that gash. "Uh, yes, I would like to grab some hamburgers with you." I reply. They both laugh.

Dean flexes his arm, testing the new bandages, and something jumps up in my throat. I can feel the blood rushing to my face and I turn and face the wall, hoping they can't see. By the time I am breathing normally again, the kitchen has been cleared up and Sam is already at the door. Dean kicks his chair under the table and I watch, fixated, as he shrugs on his leather jacket and saunters to the door. As Sam tosses him the keys, Dean turns to me and smirks.

"You comin'?" I nod a quick yes and follow them out the door

Ceilings are strange. The bumps and indents from the paint are in no pattern whatsoever. Why are they even painted in the first place? I've been staring at this ceiling since Sam and Dean dropped me off at the motel they told me to stay at. That was approximately two hours and forty-seven minutes ago. My eyes are aching and tired, but I can't close them. Every time I do I see his green-hazel eyes in the rear-view mirror, bunched up at the corners from laughing at something Sam said, or him licking the mustard off his lips, or his hand bouncing on his knee to the beat of whatever song he was blasting from the Impala. I don't understand why I noticed these things, or why they make me get little bumps all over my skin, but I like it. No, I don't like it. I don't know. I just don't understand it and I know I won't understand it so now I'm staring at the ceiling. Three hours and three minutes. Three hours and four minutes. Three hours and…

"Cas? Cas! We gotta go!"

I'm standing in the middle of a street and there are shouts all around. How did I get here? Before I can focus on anything, something yanks my arm and starts dragging me along. I look up and see Dean. Well, I think it's Dean. The figure in front of me is blurred, but I swear it was his voice that I heard. I try to look around as he pulls me with him, yelling things that have no meaning to me, but I can't focus on anything. The screams and shouts get louder and Dean yells more commands I can't hear but that I know I should be understanding. Suddenly, I'm in a room. It's pure white and the screams are gone. Only a slight buzzing remains. Dean isn't pulling me around anymore. Rather, he is running around the room, screaming silently and pointing at things I can't see. He looks… terrified. I try to move towards him but my feet won't budge. All of the sudden, he is next to me. He's pulling my arm trying to get me to move, but I can't. He's screaming again but I can't hear him and the buzzing is getting louder and louder and then, it stops. Dean is a few yards away, now, hunched over. There is something wrong. My legs work again and I try to run to him, but, somehow, I'm not getting any closer. Dean looks up at me, and I see that his eyes are glazed over and he's grasping his stomach. He opens his hands and crimson red blood spills out, staining the pure white around him. He drops down onto his knees, staring at the liquid that is still gushing, and his face slowly turns white. He looks up at me again, his eyes brimming with tears, and says, with perfectly clarity, "Cas." He slumps to the floor, lifeless, and I realized that the screams are back again. But now, the screams are my own.

I'm back in my own room, my heart racing, staring at the same ceiling again. The screams and the white room and blood are all gone. I sit up and realize I have a cool sweat covering my face. What's wrong with my? Why does being human involve so much perspiration and dreaming? Suddenly, I remember. Dean. I hear the phone clatter to the ground as I grab my coat off the chair. I scramble to the floor to get it, flip open the top, hold down the "1" key like Dean told me to do if I needed him, and press the phone to my ear. Ringing… Ringing… Ringing… The strange sound goes on far too long before the other line is picked up.

"Cas?" Deans groggy voice sends a shiver of relief through me. This time I don't second guess the feeling. I think I understand. "Hello?" he says again, more awake this time.

"Dean…" I reply finally.

"God dammit, Cas, it's four in the morning! What do you…"

"Dean!"

"What?"

"Dean…"

"What, Cas?"

"I… I love you."


	2. Part Two

"Dammit, Sammy, I'm fine!" I swing open the door to the motel room and walk inside, not bothering to turn on the lights. Sam flics them on and pushes past me.

"Jesus, Dean, calm down! I just don't want you to die," he looks at me and smirks, "Again." I scowl at him and walk to the kitchen.

I grab the nearest bottle on the table, unscrew it, and take a swig. The liquid burns my throat as I swallow and settles, warmly, into my stomach. I down some more and the ache in my arm subsides a bit. I know I should clean up the gash so I yank up my sleeve. I'm about to pour it over my arm when Sam runs in, grabbing the bottle out of my hands.

"Come on, Dean… Just let me help." I shoot him a look and drag a chair from under the table to the sink, reluctantly sitting down.

"Just do it."

Sam grins again and walks over to me, bottle in hand. The doorbell rings, stopping the bottle halfway tilted over the gash. Sam gives me a questioning look. I shrug in reply and he saunters off to the door. Looking down at my arm, I see that the skin around it is already bright red. God damn Kitsune. The door clicks open in the other room.

"Cas!" My head snaps up. Cas? "Dean didn't say you were comin' over." I can feel my heart racing. Come on, Dean, just breathe. I run my hand through my hair, trying to calm down. "I'm sure he didn't say that because I didn't tell him I was," I hear him tell Sam in his gravelly voice.

I can't help but smile at that. Why does the bastard have to be so adorable? Sam walks back into the kitchen and raises an eyebrow at the goofy grin on my face. I look away. I think he knows something's up with me. I don't even know what's up with me! Well, I do, but… Bolts of pain surge through my arm, cutting my thoughts short. I shout, looking up to see Sam drenching my arm in liquid.

"Don't be such a baby," he says. I scowl at him and claw at my arm, trying to get a look at the newly aggravated wound. Puss is oozing out of it. I tug at the skin more, trying to get a better angle, when I remember Cas. Looking up, I see him standing there. His hair is mussed up and his bright blue eyes are filled with worry. I feel heat rise into my face.

"Oh, hey Cas," I say quickly, looking back down at the wound_. _Jesus, Dean, you can do better than that! What's wrong with you?

"What happened?" I hear him ask, obviously worried.

I look up at him and I can't help but grin at the sound of his voice. "Cas, I'm fine. It's not like I'm dying," I say, teasing him. "Again!" Sam retorts from the other room. I roll my eyes and frown. "Just ran into a family of Kitsunes this morning," I add, trying to make it not sound like a big deal. "One son of a bitch nearly sliced my arm in half."

He slowly starts walking over to me and my heart catches in my throat. Luckily, his eyes are fixed on my arm, so he doesn't notice that my eyes are fixed on _him. _He tilts his head to the side a bit, eyebrows furrowed in worry.

"Is… is there anything I can do?" I don't see his hand reach out until he gently touches the soft skin under the wound, right at the crook of my elbow. His fingers send a wave of heat through my body, and, without meaning to, I jerk away. God dammit! There's no way I can hide my burning face now. I turn and look at the edge of the sink.

"No," I reply softly, trying to apologize without saying "I'm sorry." I can't bear to see the hurt that I know is in on his face, so I don't look up at him. My mind races frantically for something to say or do until Sam walks back in, ready to stitch me up. The pain of the needle distracts me from the fact that Cas is still there, and I can feel my heartbeat returning to normal. I need to make it up to him, I decided after a minute. But, after that scene, how could I get him to stay around any longer?

"Cas, why don't you grab some burgers with us?" Sam asks, out of the blue. My eyes slide up to my brother's face. How did he know? His eyes are on me and he has a smirk playing at his lips. I swallow hard and will myself to not blush. He looks back at my arm, ties up the last stich, and quickly wraps a bandage around it. "Uh, yes, I would like to grab some hamburgers with you," Cas replies, trying and failing to casually copy Sam's slang. We both laugh at his attempt.

Sam gets up to clear the sink and I flex my arm, making sure the bandages won't break. Glancing up, I look for Cas, but the weird little ex-angel is staring at the wall. I grin and help Sam finish clearing the kitchen. When Sam starts walking towards the door, I remember that Cas is getting dinner with us. My stomach clenches at the rush of nerves and I grab the bottle to take another drink. I glance over at Cas, who's still staring at the wall, and take a swig. I feel my muscles loosen instantly. I kick the chair under the table, throw on my jacket, and walk to the door. Sam tosses me the keys, and I spin around, catching them. Cas is standing in the same spot but facing us, now. His hands are part way tucked into the wrinkled, tan pockets of his trench coat, his black tie is a bit crooked, and the worry in his blue eyes has been replaced by an innocent eagerness. I manage to suppress a grin that tries to spread across to a small smirk.

"You comin'?" I say, nonchalantly. He nods, silently, and I hurry out the door before Sam and Cas, letting the grin take over my face.

_Usually, angels are not capable of feeling strong, human emotions. However, they may for strong bonds with humans or… _

"Whatcha readin'?" I slam the book closed and spin around almost knocking over the chair. "Whoa there…" Sam says, mockingly. I scowl at him and try to slide the book behind my back, out of his view.

"Dammit, Sammy!" I yell, hoping he won't come any closer. "Don't sneak up on me like that." He grins, mischievously, and takes a step forward.

"Whatcha reading, Dean?" he repeats.

I look away from him. "Oh, you know, just a little light reading. Couldn't sleep."

"You? Light reading?" He raises an eyebrow and steps closer.

"Yeah… Just grabbed the nearest book and…" He's practically on top of me now, craning his neck around, trying to read the title.

I lean away from him. "Sam…" He smirks and takes a step back.

I exhale and straighten up, about to stand, when he snatches the book out of my hands. "You Ass-hat!" I shout as I lunge for him, but it's too late.

"_Angels_? Dude, why are you reading up on angels?" he asks, his grin growing wider.

"None of your friggin' business!" I reply, grabbing the book out of his hands. He just gives me a look, then laughs.

"Well, anyways, I'm going to bed." He starts walking away and I toss the book on the table.

"Dean?" I turn and look at him. He's still smiling, but softly now. The mocking expression has left his face.

"Yeah?" He looks like he's about to say something, but stops himself.

"Never mind," he replies sheepishly.

I smile at my little brother. "G'night, Sammy."

Two hours later, I'm only halfway through the book, but my eyes are burning. This is idiotic. Why are the bastards so damn complicated? I shut the book, defeated, and lean back in my chair. I close my eyes and think back to tonight; Cas riding quietly in the back of the Impala, Cas sitting across from me at the diner, Cas looking back at us sadly before walking into the crappy motel he's staying at. I wonder what he's doing now. I glance at the clock. He's probably asleep. The thought of him curled up on his bed in his wrinkled trench coat makes me smile. I get out of the chair I'm in, walk to the living room and fall down on the couch. I flip over and bury my face in the cushions. Come on, Dean, get a grip. Squeezing my eyes tight, I try to push everything out of my mind, but it keeps wandering to Cas. Finally, I let it happen. My angel is the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep.

_Heat of the Moment_ suddenly blasts from my phone, jolting me awake. I blindly grab for it and flip it open, checking the Caller I.D. What in the world…?

"Cas?" I answer, trying to hide the exhaustion in my voice. Only silence on the other line. Damn, I was pretty sure he had gotten the hang of this phone thing. "Hello?" I say again.

His voice fills my ears. "Dean…"

"God dammit, Cas, it's four in the morning!" I reply, hoping that he can't tell I'm smiling like an idiot. "What do you…"

"Dean!" he practically shouts. Okay, this is getting weird… Even for him…

"What?"

"Dean…" Now, his voice is soft, barely above a whisper.

"What, Cas?" There's a short pause.

"I…I love you."

I'm out of the motel room, down to the parking lot, and into the Impala before I even realize what I'm doing. My knuckles are white from gripping my phone so hard, and I know I shouldn't have hung up. I should have answered him but… I just need to see his face. The tires screech against the asphalt as I speed out of the parking lot and onto the road. Head spinning, heart hammering, hands shaking, I drive as fast as I can without killing myself.

The five minute drive seems to take a lifetime. The glowing motel sign illuminates the parking lot as I pull in. I climb out of the Impala and walk to the door, breathing in the cool night air. I don't remember the last time I was this happy… Not to mention this nervous. I walk casually into the lobby, not wanting to attract attention, but as soon as I'm to the stairs I start sprinting, taking them two at a time. After two flights, I scan the hallways quickly for room 326. I find it at the very end of the hallway. Closing my eyes, I run my hands over my face and through my hair and take a deep breath. I knock on the door and wait.

The lock clicks, the door slowly slides open, and there he is. His brown locks are yanked up off his forehead, his cheeks tear stained and his eyes red and bloodshot. His phone is still gripped tightly in his hand. "Cas…" I say, grinning. He cocks his head to the side, confused.

I reach for his arm and pull him towards me. Weaving my hands through his mussed up hair, I guide his face to mine. And then I kiss him. His lips are soft and his stubble scratches against my chin as I hold him against me tighter. I hear his phone clatter to the floor. Sparks erupt through my body and I pull him into an embrace, his head pressing into my neck. His body still feels stiff against mine.

"I love you too, Cas," I say to him softly and he immediately relaxes in my arms. I kiss him again and this time he kisses me back. I can feel him smiling. I take him by the shoulders and he reluctantly lets me ease him away so that I can see him. His bright blue eyes gaze into mine and he's absolutely beaming. I grin back at him and pull him back into my arms. "I love you too." 


End file.
